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Dearest Friends of the Upper Crust,
This is the time of year when the Upper Crust habitually repair to their winter estates in warmer climes; in the words of the Duc d’Istortion, they are, in fact, “wintering elsewhere.” Neither hide nor hair shall now be seen of them until March, when they shall bestir themselves once again, having undertaken to rocque New York City upon the 19th of that month at the Bowery Electric, and in Boston at the Midway Cafe on March 4th.
In the meanwhile, their Lordships the Duc, Count Bassie, the Lord Bendover and Jackie Kickassis most earnestly desire that their friends shall not mourn their absence, but rather that they should be of good cheer, and carry on with such good will as can be mustered, knowing that their Lordships are warm and comfortable whilst their less fortunate friends vainly attempt to shelter from the unwelcome intimacies of icy-fingered Winter.
So take heart, and entertain yourselves as best you can in their Lordships’ absence. They would like nothing better than to “kick back” (we trust we are using the term correctly) with a properly chilled glass of Dom Perignon, upon the beaches of their various private islands, secure in the knowledge that you are happy and have not yet, as best may be ascertained, frozen to death. Their Lordships care deeply, contrary to what is often thought, about the welfare of the common man, and wish you all the happiest and most serviceable of New Years.
We ourselves of course remain, until we meet again, your fondest and most dedicated correspondent, ever hopeful of some sign that our affections are reciprocated,
Secretary and Manservant to Their Lordships the Upper Crust


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